Week 113: Goodbyes are Hard

As of October 13, 2015 I am an RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer). This may be just another acronym to many but for me those four letters hold countless memories of dust storms, bus rides, cups of tea, and experiences that I will always carry. There were many times I did not think I would make it to this moment but I am happy and proud to say that I have. 

Ke a leboga Botswana.

Thank you Botswana.

 

Week 112: Constantly Oscillating

One moment I am going out to the lands with my landlady and her family and I cannot imagine saying goodbye to the people who have guided me on this difficult journey and then the next I am wondering why I am in the bush, when all I want to do is eat dinner and be in the comfort of my own home. As my time wraps up here my mood is constantly oscillating. I am both incredibly sad to leave, excited for my next adventure, and full of love for the people I have met and the people I will see again soon. It can be challenging to hold all of these truths at once. In the meantime I will continue to make brownies, run, and lay on my floor hoping that the water comes back on before I attempt to do my dishes with some of my precious stored water. 

A photo from one of the going away parties. 

 

Week 111: Kindness

The past two years have been filled with many challenges, misunderstandings, and heartbreak as I tried to work in an arguably broken education system. However, I cannot begin to count all of the moments of laughter, love, and kindness that I was a part of and that were shown to me. Grading papers and looking at end of term test results can make me want to throw my hands up and admit defeat. Then I go home to find my landlady in her beautiful garden insisting that I take some fresh greens. Her definition of ‘some’ turns out to be enough greens to have me eating Merogo (Setswana vegetable) all week and I am reminded again why I am not ready to give up. I want to do the best I can for her children and her grandchildren. I want to repay the kindnesses shown to me in the best way I know how, through reading. The end of term test results may not show the work I have done but I know my time in Moshana has been beneficial to those around me and most significantly myself. 

The 'greens' my landlady shared with me, and Lefa being sassy in the back.

Week 110: Lefa, Lungile, Tetlo, and Kate to Name a Few

It was not until I arrived in Botswana that I came to the realization that I am not a kid person. I have babysat for many families and always loved the kids and translated those specific relationships to broad statements about how I like kids. However, I have had the privilege of forming close relationships with a few kids here that will make it incredibly hard to say goodbye. Lungile and Kate have both been born since my arrival and now I cannot imagine my days without their smiling giggling faces. We have full conversations with only noises that always end in giggles. Tetlo has lived in the house behind mine but only recently started to trust me and Lefa has been my friend longer than I have been hers. These four children always make me smile, laugh, and of course drive me a little crazy but they are a part of my day and I do not know what I will do without them. 

Lungile on a regular Monday afternoon, hanging out in my doorway while I do the dishes and surreptitiously take his photo.

Week 109: A New Baby

In so many ways I will always be an outsider here and yet this is my community. I am accepted and I am loved. On my run today a few neighborhood kids ran after me telling me about a woman who had a baby. Between their English and my Setswana there were a few holes in the story. It wasn’t until I was on my way home from the run that the story came together and I paid a visit to my friend who just had a baby and who sent the kids to find me. As I sat in her home holding her new baby and hearing about her first reactions to motherhood I felt like I had been invited into an intimate moment. Her accommodation may be modest but her priorities are seen in the new fuzzy cloths for her baby and her smart phone. I left feeling grateful to the people who have let me into their hearts.

Week 108: Village Pictures

My House!

The Clinic

The Kgotla (Traditional Meeting Place)

Week 107: Weddings

This week I had the privilege of attending a friend's wedding and here is a photo of me in a traditional skirt that married women wear to weddings. It was made as a gift for me, even though everyone is aware that I am not actually married.

Week 106: Sister Visit No. 3!

I am extremely lucky to have had each of my family member's visit me at various times in my service. This week brought the last of my sisters!

Week 105: “Runnin Runnin…”

I believe that is a Black Eyed Peas song I was trying to sing there…

Back in June I was going through a rough time and felt that I needed to set some long-term goals to keep me energized and purposeful. Running to my shopping village, Kanye, became that goal. Kanye is only 10 kilometers from my home and this weekend I was able to make the trek. It was incredibly satisfying to be walking around Kanye knowing that nothing but my feet and the air in my lungs took me there. Admittedly running along a highway that Semis use was rather less enjoyable than running in the bush, where I usually run, which reminded me that its about the journey not the end result. Although it was great to not have to wait for a combi to take me to Kanye, I can recall many more pleasant runs after work in June and July than this one. Regardless of how the final run felt, it did the trick, two months have gone by and I am in a drastically different headspace. I am happy to have two more months with the people I care about here and grateful that I did not leave in June as I had considered. My knees may be telling me to ease off the running and so my next goal is to reread Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, as I did when I first arrived.

Week 104: Meeting the New Trainees

This week 76 new Peace Corps trainees arrived in Botswana. When I close my service (COS) on October 14^th they will be swearing in as new volunteers. I had the privilege of meeting these folks at the airport where there were more smiling faces than I expected after such a flight. I then stayed with the group as they spent their first night with their new home stay families (who they will live with until they move to their sites’) fielding questions about how to navigate different religious views and the names for the different types of bread.

The energy and enthusiasm of this group was contagious. I feel content with my past two years and what I have and have not been able to accomplish and was delighted to share this with the new group. The timing was excellent, as I know that at other points in my service I may not have had as many nice things to say. As much as I enjoyed the energy I was reminded that adjusting back to the faster pace of life in the States will no doubt be a challenge. However, I am confident that just as I adapted two years ago, I can do it again and in fact I am excited to.

Week 103: Red Lipstick and Water

Water is essential to life, however the access to and quantity of water that one has can vary. When I was away at my conference something happened to a pipe that brought water to a third of the village. Since this happened I have continued to hone in on my ability to wash my body, essential clothing items, and my hair all with the same liter of water. Even though my house does not have running water, there is a standpipe 10 yards from my front door that only my landlady and I use. However, since the trouble with the pipe my landlady and I now travel further to a neighbor’s house to get our water.

Recently a package came for me that contained red lipstick and as it was a Saturday where I had no plans I decided to try on the lipstick. Immediately following this my landlady knocks on my door with two wheelbarrows saying its time for us to collect water. So there I went following my landlady as we traipsed through the village with our buckets and my red lipstick. I left simultaneously absurd and like there is no better reason to celebrate with a little red lipstick then getting water.

Week 102: Lock Down

The final three months of Peace Corps Service are to be spent in the volunteers’ village, lovingly referred to as, Lock Down. A part of me is feeling sentimental about leaving and eager to spend time with the friends I have made in my community. Then this morning I went into work, only to find the place deserted and no one having communicated this to me. To be fair the kids are on break and it is the morning after a public holiday that the teachers had off so I should know better then to expect my coworkers to be at work bright and early. It was also a good reminder that although my life is about to undergo a serious shift, my coworkers and friends lives will continue with the same natural highs and lows. I may be eager to be with people, however, that does not stop their family members from getting married, their kids from getting sick, or their cars from breaking down. I know that over the next three months there will be many more tea times, meetings, and even a few parties to allow us all to say goodbye and in the meantime I guess I will enjoy my surprise day off.

Week 101: Close of Service Conference

The time has come for my Close of Service Conference (COS). I have been in Botswana with my fellow Bots 14 intake group since August 2013, we arrived at 61 and 42 of us have made it to our COS conference. I am told that this is considered high or on par with other Peace Corps Countries retention rates. I am proud to have made it this far but support all of my friends and peers who have left for various reasons. I applied to Peace Corps on a whim three years ago one Saturday as I avoided writing a paper for one of my then classes. It was early in my final year at University and I was stressed about what my next step would be. Having been involved in community based social issues theater projects, I felt that solutions needed to come from the community itself and I believed that as a peace corps volunteer I would become a part of what ever community I was living and serving in. Oh how I could not have been more wrong. After two years I am still an outsider and know that after twenty more years I will remain an outsider, however, I am loved and respected and I am grateful for the community of Moshana and the people who patiently shared their culture and way of life. I am clear that it is time for me to move on to my next chapter however; I will miss the friends I have made and the families that took me in as one of their own.

Week 100: GLOW Camp No. 3

 After many meetings and debates over what would be served for tea, the teachers and I pulled off a GLOW (Girls/Guys Leading our World) camp for the standard six students. Our camp was held over two days and Modisi teachers taught sessions on HIV and high risk behaviours, leadership, and gender. Sustainability is the name of the Peace Corps game, however, more often then not that is an impossible standard. Although I took the lead on organizing this camp I am confident that my coworkers could have succeeded without me. Initially we tried to get funding from an outside source, which fell through, however, the organization promised to put room in their budget next year for a GLOW camp. At this point that is only a promise and the budget will not be made until the end of the year, but regardless I am proud to say that I had a hand in that and that my coworkers will continue to make these camps happen, or at least I can tell myself that. A job well done Modisi teachers!

Week 99: Sir Seretse Khama Day

Sir Seretse Khama was the first president of Botswana and the father to the current president, his Birthday, July 1^st, is a national holiday. Khama was born to the paramount chief of the Bangwato people who reside primarily in what is now the central region of Botswana. As a child he was sent to South Africa for schooling and attended university in the UK. It was in the UK where he met his wife a white English woman by the name of Ruth Williams, this interracial marriage led to Khama’s exile. The British adhered to Apartheid South Africa’s pressure to refuse Khama to return to his home since they did not want to lose goods from the mines in South Africa. The British had this power since Botswana was a British Protectorate known as Bechuanaland. In order to return home, Khama had to renounce his tribal throne, which he had held since his father's death when he was four (Khama's Uncle was acting as regent). After a five year hiatus from politics Khama formed the Bechuanaland Democratic Party and helped Botswana gain independence, September 30^, 1966. Botswana is made up of many different people groups each with their own tribal chief, called a Kgosi. These tribal systems are still in place and work in conjunction with the democratic system that Sir Seretse Khama helped to install. Happy Sir Seretse Khama Day!

Week 98: On the Banks of the Zambezi

I spent my week in the northern part of Botswana catching up with friends, trying Elephant biltong (jerky), and watching the sunset over the banks of the Zambezi River. It turns out Elephant meat tastes like grass and far more delicious was the “We Carrot About You” cake that my friends made to continue the birthday celebrations. My mittens of last week were replaced by bare feet in the sand of the Zambezi river as we spent a few days on an island in Zambia where I became aquatinted with the calls of Hippos and how to use my core strength to not tip the mokoro boat we road in to get there. Mokoro boats look similar to canoes, except the bottom is flat, they are made from a hollowed out tree, and only one-person paddles while standing in the back. I have been intrigued by these boats and eager to ride in one, until I sat down and noticed just how close I was to crocodile infested water… Antoine, the man paddling the mokoro and taking us to the island seemed unconcerned, I on the other hand was reminded of when I learned to drive and how I had a bad habit of overcorrecting the steering wheel as this time I kept throwing my weight from side to side, rocking the boat far more than was necessary. As it turns out everyone seemed to be more comfortable in the water then I was as I saw even the Elephants enjoy a good swim!

Week 97: High Tea

I have two of the best Peace Corps Volunteers as neighbors (in my shopping village). These two individuals are thoughtful, giving, and never fail to brighten my mood, no matter how happy I was when I arrived at their place, I always leave happier. In honor of my Birthday and with a nod to my inexplicable enthusiasm for all things British they threw me a High Tea! This tea was complete with crust less triangular cucumber sandwiches served on a MacGyver styled three-tiered tea tray made out of plates and bowels. We watched a video of stately homes and castles, listened to British music artists and got caught up in conversation that we did not have time to watch any of the British movies they picked out. Not only did they throw me this party, which was definitely the only high tea happening in Kanye that day, they also bought me a thoughtful gift that was complete with Broccoli! This is my favorite vegetable and not always easy to come by. A trend was started as all the other birthday gifts I received outside of a hand crafted basket, were food items. Teachers at my school gave me fruits and chocolates and from home I received a slew of Trader Joe’s treats. I am never underfed here nor is giving food a common gift, all of these friends just know where my priorities lie.

As a side note, winter hit hard this week and it is now time to wear mittens to bed and really I don’t see a reason to ever remove them.

Week 96: Scheduled and Rescheduled

Much of my time this week was spent scheduling meetings and workshops and rescheduling. By the middle of the week this became more frustrating than I could take. It’s a small thing but in the moment it felt like the end of the world. I have four months left in my service and at this point I believe that I will be unable to see some of the projects I have been working on to the end. In the moment this was simultaneously devastating and yet I also felt apathetic, which scared me more. Every time I was told a meeting was canceled I lost a little bit of faith. Ultimately I do think there is value that I went to the social workers office every week and tried to talk about Gender. Although I have yet to see these conversations converted into an event for the community. I know that at least on some level the conversation is being had. Although the workshop on Emotional Intelligence is going on its third reschedule and I believe this one is indefinite, I am grateful for the opportunity to have put that workshop together and maybe the next volunteer at my site will get to put the workshop on. No doubt this will happen moments after they arrive and lead to a comical story for that volunteer for years to come. I’m lucky to understand that my service is so much more than these canceled meetings and rescheduled programs. I always knew that I was going to take more than I could give and this week was a prime example. This experience has allowed me to grow in ways I could not have imagined and for that I am grateful. These discomforts and frustrations are simply growing pains, they are just part of the process.

Week 95: No Goats Allowed

Shhh don’t tell because it’s a surprise but I found out that the Kgosi (traditional leader of the village) called a Kgotla meeting to discuss my leaving. I was informed, secretly, that at this meeting he asked for a committee to be formed to start planning my going away party. The important parts of the meeting that made their way back to me included the Kgosi’s advice that no one was to gift me any of their chickens or goats since I would not be able to take those back with me.  Previously that would have struck me as funny however now I am just grateful to him that he saved me some potentially awkward situations. I also feel honored that this meeting happened. Regardless as to whether this party comes to fruition, the intention was there and that is something I will carry with me, which consequently will be much easier to get past airport security and even fit in my carry on.

Week 94: A Lesson in Setswana

Dumela mma/rra         Good morning/day madam/sir         The most common way to greet

someone

O tsogile jang?             How are you?                                    Literally, How have you risen?

Ke tsogile sentle           I am well                                            Literally, I have risen well. This is

  rude to ask people older than you in  

  some parts of the country.

Le kae?                      How are you?                                        Literally, Where are you? The “you”

  is plural in this greeting however it can  

  be used to address a group of people or  

  a single individual. If it is used for a 

  single individual it is assumed the asker 

  is inquiring after the person’s family.

Re teng                       We are fine                                            Literally, We are here.

Go siame                   Goodbye or Alright                      

Ke kopa…                 I am asking for…

Dijo                            Food

Metsi                         Water

Week 93: All Volunteer Conference

This week there was an All Volunteer Conference for Peace Corps Volunteers in Botswana. I spent three days surrounded by more Americans than I have seen in months. This is usually a source of some anxiety for my and leads to some inevitable comparisons amongst volunteers. However, with less than 5 months left of my service and only two more working moths (the last three months I am not supposed to start new projects but simply stay in my village and start saying goodbye) my attitude was very different this time. I was able to celebrate the accomplishments of my peers, provide stories of both my successes and my failures and mostly just have a great time catching up with people. It was the first, and probably the last, time that I saw some volunteers who were not in my intake group. I was able to make new friends and catch up with old ones. For many people in my group who do not live near me, I will see them one more time at our close of service conference in July (before we are all commanded to stay put in our villages until we leave in October). I am so grateful to have shared this experience with so many amazing people. Through out our service there has been a lot of talk of the “Peace Corps Family” which I did not necessarily buy into and was more of the mindset that these were some “government mandated friends” however after over 21 months together and a multitude of shared experiences, even if they were happening on opposite sides of the country, I know that this is my peace corps family. These people will be my Peace Corps family no matter where in the world we are.

Week 92: A Compliment

Change takes time. I have been living in Moshana village for 19 months and working regularly with 14 teachers. Many of these teachers have come and gone, left to have babies, and returned, however there are a few that I have been working alongside since I arrived. After my initial push to get to know my co-workers and my new community, I identified people that I felt I could work well with and simply tried to keep up a polite relationship with the others. One teacher specifically appeared to only ever want to talk about my physical appearance and although I also think about my physical appearance, I wish I didn’t and consequently I have tried to keep my distance. I did not feel like this affected my performance since how I look on any given day did not appear to me to be of vital importance to the education of her students. However, in recent months, this teacher has started to bring her kids to the library regularly, where I teach reading comprehension to them for one hour a week. Even more exciting is that this teacher has started to stay for the lessons which gives me hope that she will continue to utilize the library after I am gone. I know she is there of her own volition as it has taken her over a year to decide that the library is a useful place for her kids. This week the teacher even complimented me on my teaching style and told me I am doing good work. Those few words took me months to earn and felt like the biggest victory. I wanted to sing and dance and say, “see I am more than this week’s pimple or yesterday’s cute outfit.” Which reminded me, I may be doing some good things in the classroom but I still need to work on not taking it personally or being vindictive. 

Week 91: GLOW II

As I mentioned last week I just completed a GLOW (Girls/Guys Leading Our World) camp in the southern region with 7 other PCVs and teacher counterparts. GLOW camps were started by a group of PCVs and their counterparts in Romania in the 1990s and since then have spread to numerous Peace Corps countries worldwide. For this camp we took 67 boys and girls from 10 schools and hosted a four day camp that included such topics as leadership, gender, HIV, and self-confidence to name a few. These camps can be extremely rewarding and a good test of patience. You learn what to do with 67 kids when dinner is three hours late. How to get a group of 30 boys to go to sleep since you will be the one waking them up in 6 hours to start the fire to heat their bath water. Throughout the weekend I fine tuned my disciplinary techniques as I was one of the volunteers sleeping in the hall with the boys. It was after 11pm one of the nights and the boys were still being rowdy, all I could think of was having to be the one to wake them up at 5am and that finally did the trick as I calmly threatened the boys with moving my sleeping bag to where they were sleeping. One of the ring leaders said, “No ma’am we are afraid of you” At 11pm all I could say was good go to sleep. Although that was not a highlight of the GLOW camp for me I do think it showed my growth. I know that previously I would have placed a higher value on getting all of the kids to like me however this year I was more comfortable being a disciplinarian and getting the kids to like me was secondary. First I wanted their respect and some sleep. I was so happy that I was a part of the Southern Region GLOW camp this year and I am also okay that it was my last PCV driven GLOW camp. Next step is getting my school to transition from vocal support of the camps to putting one on themselves. The best part of having a GLOW camp at Modisi (the school I work at) is that at 11pm at night I will have been sound asleep for hours and not sleeping at the foot of a bunch of 15 year-olds beds worried they are sneaking out.

Week 90: Grieving

 This week a teacher who I used to work with at Modisi passed away. Before entering peace corps I was given material on how to deal with death of community members in my service. I am lucky that this was the first time the material was relevant. I have been to countless funerals here but never of people that I was close with. I went to show my support of the community since I had just arrived and because I thought this made me part of the community. This week not only did my co-worker pass away but two of my closest friends in the village had family pass away as well. I felt as though I was surrounded by death, I was sad for the family, friends, and children that the loved ones left behind and more than that I was sad that as a culture the Batswana have become accustomed to death. I am not saying that any of these deaths were related to AIDS, I honestly don’t know if they were, as it is still not common for people to disclose their status, even to close family. However, when the HIV/AIDS epidemic came in the 90s it ravaged the country and no family was left untouched. I believe in a small way it normalized the death of family members. I am not saying it made it any easier but it definitely made it more common. This devastating part of Botswana’s history has left the people stronger in my opinion. Upon hearing of the death of my co-worker and my friends’ family members I was distraught and unclear how to proceed. For each of my friends I could see that they were hurting but they each took it in stride and their lives continued just now there were more mouths to feed at home and no more visits from Uncle. Peace Corps is full of highs and lows and through out this week I was also working on last minute preparations for a GLOW camp that I will tell you about next week.

Week 89: A Week Well Spent

Lesego is back. Last week grumpy city loving Dawn was being grouchy around the village but this week smiling slow paced Lesego is back. I really am grateful to live somewhere with such beautiful sunsets and the time to watch them. This week I spent an entire afternoon making Vindaloo, finished working on some Gender Based Violence lessons, and worked with the Eye nurse that came to the village. I also was able to celebrate the birthday of a peace corps friend with cake and the knowledge that I have met some amazing people who continuously remind me to see the positive and eat more cake! Back in the village I was able to hang out with my friend’s kids and share the simple pleasure of a candy cane. All in all I would say I am pretty lucky, a week well spent.

Week 88: Readjustment

Six months remaining and I am back at work. Back to the village where the only café in town is my own kitchen and I would not know the first thing about making an Espresso martini (nor am I up late enough to reasonably enjoy such a drink). I have been here for twenty months and throughout that time my reasons for being here have consistently shifted and evolved. I got to a place this week that I was no longer sure I had a strong enough reason to stay. After numerous conversations with friends and family I decided even if I am unsure why I am here, I don’t have a strong enough reason for leaving. For all you long distance runners reading this, I have decided that I’ve hit my wall. Peace Corps is a marathon and I am at mile twenty and I have hit my wall, even though I am not sure why I am still running, I can trust that it will make sense to me later and I want to cross the finish line. As my marathon running sister said, gummy bears and Gatorade. Luckily my sister’s boyfriend was so kind as to bring me gummy bears and I do have Gatorade but as my sister reminded me it is strictly for rehydrating after getting sick (Oral Rehydration salts are possibly the worst thing I have ever drank). As my mom said, its always hard to come back after a vacation, and I am lucky that I have been able to take such a great vacation with amazing people. As long as I am gentle with myself I know I can make it past this wall. Although there is no shame in leaving the Peace Corps early and I support all of my peers who left for various reasons, but I am not ready to go yet.

Week 87: Cape Town

Nestled around Table Mountain and between the oceans and wine country, Cape Town is a truly magical place. Admittedly I did not know much about it before moving to this part of the world and could barely find it on a map. However, after arriving here it seemed like every PCV was talking about it either for its natural beauty, great hiking, good coffee, pastries, craft beer, I could go on and on. Needless to say I became quite excited that such a city was so near my dessert village home.

While in Cape Town we took advantage of the spectacular views and hiked into a cloud as we climbed Table Mountain as well as the spectacular views of the city as we walked it daily. I was able to pretend I was in one of my favorite movies of all time (Casablanca) and go to Rick’s Café where I enjoyed my falafel and Martini in peace, since it was touristy Cape Town and not Vichy Morocco.  I was lucky enough to enjoy this beautiful city with my sister and her boyfriend who continually reminded me to be grateful to be in such a lovely city with great company.

Week 86: Vacation!

After a few weeks in the village my sister and I were ready to go on vacation. We had quite the vacation planned including a safari, Cape Town, and due to its convenient location and transportation hub, Johannesburg. The trip started with a car rental pick up that set the tone for adventure. After riding the combi’s and busses for the last few weeks my sister and I may have forgotten some details about private vehicles, for instance that with an accidental click of a button we had the power to open the trunk. Once we had the car and were taking it back over the border to Botswana (we rented the car in South Africa) this button must have been clicked unbeknownst to us and the car alarm going off in the parking lot was in fact our car since the trunk had been open the whole time we were going through customs. As we walked out of the building pleased with ourselves for getting the car and coming back home, I heard the alarm and said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that was our car.” Good thing I was serious and we both got quite a laugh out of our own foolishness and were much more careful during the rest of the trip.

Later in the trip we were spending a night in Johannesburg where I may have been unnecessarily hyper alert (and we had already returned the car, so there was no fear of another trunk incident). As a PCV I had to get special approval from the country director of Peace Corps South Africa. This along with Jozi’s (one of the many nicknames that locals have for their city) less then steller reputation left me hyper aware of my surroundings and extra cautious. My sister and I were staying in an adorable neighborhood called Melville that some other PCV friends had stayed in only a few weeks earlier. We also met a Dutch couple during the first part of our trip who had resettled in Melville and sang its praises as well as drew us a map of the neighborhood with all of their favorite restaurants, book shops, coffee houses, and even their house which was two blocks from where we were staying. All this information made me more excited to go but no less vigilant. As my sister and I changed out of our travel cloths and into something for dinner I put some rand in my pocket not wanting to carry a purse. My sister was going to simply take a clutch. I said that I felt uneasy with her carrying her wallet so out in the open, she trusted my judgment or simply wanted to calm my nerves and put her money in a pocket as well. As we walked down the flower lined cobble stone streets to the main restaurant drag, we came across an older woman who immediately started walking with us. She was a Melville native and going out to a trivia night at one of the bars with her friends. She was delightful and reminded me of one of the reasons I love traveling and although its best to ere on the side of caution not all of Jo-burg’s reputation is rightfully deserved. As with any city it is good to be aware of your surroundings and what neighborhood you are in, but then enjoy! Make friends with middle-aged women who enjoy trivia and compliment you on your fitness level.

Week 85: Madombi

 One thing I can always count on in Botswana is that things never go as planned. This can be infuriating when I don’t have the energy or an exciting adventure when I do. One of my favorite foods here is Madombi, a boiled bread. I have never made it, even though I have made the dough since it is the same dough that other breads here are made of. I was always too afraid because early on one of my teacher friends was laughing with me as she told me all the ways she has messed it up. Naturally I wanted my sister to try my favorite foods so I planned for us to go to one of my friend’s houses for dinner as she is a phenomenal cook. At the last minute something came up and my friend was unable to have us over (as a mother of four, this is perfectly understandable). I was a bit bummed that my sister was not going to be able to eat madombi until I realized my sister isn’t going to be able to tell the difference between my first timer madombi and my friends excellent years of practice madombi and if I really messed up, the dogs could have a nice afternoon snack. As it turned out, my madombi isn’t so bad and I was grateful to my friend for her busy schedule because it pushed me to try new things. If I hadn’t been given a little extra shove, I would have never made madombi and I would still be thinking I couldn’t do it.

Week 84: Feeling like a Rock star

 Some days in the library I feel like a rock star. I am able to change teaching tactics when it appears the kids are not grasping my lesson. We laugh together and hopefully learn together. On these days I feel really lucky to have the job that I have, but inevitably my gratitude wears off and it becomes just another day. Other days do not go so well and no matter what I try the kids only want to laugh at the one child who is “puffing” (farting) and my patience is worn thin. These days I go home feeling low and try to recharge so I have more patience for the next day. I didn’t realize how having a constant companion would effect how I felt after teaching. My rock star days were made all the better as my sister pointed out all of the great things I did. On the train wreck days I was initially very embarrassed that she witnessed the crashing and burning of the library lesson. However, she saw it differently and did her best to build me back up on those days. Reassuring me that working with kids is challenging and every day is different. When those tactics didn’t work usually a foot massage did.  Having a constant buddy has left me feeling like a rock star with really clean feet. I am so grateful.

Week 83: Constant Companion

I now have a constant companion and I am not talking about the ants that always seem to migrate into my house (and inexplicably my water kettle). My sister has arrived and is staying with me for three weeks. I live in a spacious but simple house where all water used needs to be carted in and out and filtered for drinking purposes. My bathroom consists of an assortment of buckets, where mistakes can have grave consequences.  There are very few people I could share this space with and I am quite pleased to say that my sister is one of them. I have been very impressed with her ability to learn the bucket system, with only a few minor misunderstandings that were quickly righted before any action was taken (NO NO! The orange bucket is the clean water bucket and the blue bucket is the pee bucket). She is now a staple at the school both in library lessons and in tea time social hour with the other teachers.

During the application process I encountered many returned Peace Corps volunteers (RPCVs) who talked candidly about the loneliness they struggled and dealt with. I always felt badly that people experienced loneliness but scoffed a bit in my head thinking I didn’t need their warnings because I really enjoyed time alone. Ha ha ha, how naive I was, I had no idea what they were talking about. I do still enjoy time alone but I now understand there is such a thing as too much time alone and that the lonliness stems from other aspects of my life here and not just being physically alone. This has been one of the hardest aspects of my service and I am so grateful to have a constant companion for the next three weeks.

Week 82: Saying Goodbye

This week I had to say good-bye to a close neighbor and dear PCV friend. She has been a great volunteer and friend. Although I was sad to see her go there was no doubt in my mind that it was time for her to leave. This was also helpful for me to be reminded that I do not feel that it is my time to leave yet. Loosing a close friend both in proximity and companionship is still hard despite my determination that we are each making the choices that are right for us. As painful as the goodbye was I would not have had it any other way. I feel lucky to have met such an inspiring individual who is willing to take risks in order to live a full and abundant life. Although this friend will now be thousands of miles away instead of a few kilometers I look forward to how this friendship will grow and change as our respective journeys’ diverge even farther.

Week 81: Hair Cut

It was Friday afternoon and I was bemoaning the fact that I did not have any evening plans. Allowing myself to descend into the line of thinking that I was not “acting my age” and I should not be in the bush but in a city meeting new people and acting immature. When I know that even if I was in a city I would still want to spend my Friday nights watching movies and baking, I just would have more friends around. In order to fight off a pity party that I knew was fast approaching I decided I would cut my hair. About two and a half years ago I shaved my head for a fundraiser and had been enjoying the novelty of my long hair. However, recently it felt like it had gotten too long and unruly for bucket bath washing. Having shaved my head I had a catalogue of photos of how I looked with different lengths of hair that I could thumb through. After picking what I saw as a good length, I realized that my hair was actually longer than I expected and I would be able to donate the required 10 inches to Locks of Love. Roughly 1USD later, my hair is trekking around the world, hopefully to safely arrive in Florida sometime soon.  This simplified the hair cutting experience immensely and I simply put my hair in a low ponytail at the nape of my neck and took the scissors to it. Now I have never cut my hair before but I felt that I had enough hair that provided a sizable margin of error. The ponytail proved to be exceedingly helpful and provided me with a fashionably angled cut that I never could have done on purpose. I was very impressed with myself and only a little fearful that I accidently gave myself a mullet. However, the next day I had a meeting with other American Peace Corps Volunteers who were all impressed by my haircut and did not believe me when I told them I cut it myself. This immediately pacified me and made me grateful that my surroundings make me more willing to try new things.

Week 80: Writing Week

Last week was a writing week in the library, where I asked all of my students to write summaries of the books we have been reading. Each class has its own book and we read 5-10 pages during their weekly library session. At the beginning of term I promised myself I would take advantage of the fact that I am not required to teach to a test or even to stick to a curriculum. As most of my co-workers see it, if I am speaking English, I am doing my job, regardless of the validity in that it gives me an immense amount of freedom. This allows me to focus on the areas that students are struggling with as well as go at their pace. Last week we were roughly half way through the classes respective books and the term,  so I thought it would be a good time to gauge how much the kids were retaining.  As I graded the papers, I was disheartened to see that the retention was lower then I anticipated and felt defensive of my lesson plans, feeling at a loss for how I could do things differently.

This week, as we went back to reading as a class, discussing, and acting out each page my energy and motivation has been renewed. I realized that last week I was looking for a gold star from my students. I wanted their paper’s to tell me that my hard work was paying off and that I wasn’t the only one learning in the library every day. However, I was looking for validation in the wrong place. As much as it made me frustrated and sad last week, the lesson I had for the kids was too challenging and that was my fault not theirs. When the kids eagerly raised their hands to read the next page this week, I got my validation and reassurance that even if I can’t measure what I am doing every day in the library, I am doing something and I will keep trying and retrying.

Week 79: Shout Out to GRS

 This week I want to give a little shout out to the organization Grass Roots Soccer. In their own words, “Grassroot soccer is an HIV prevention organization that uses the power of soccer to educate, inspire, and mobilize communities to stop the spread of HIV and AIDS.” GRS is present in 25 countries and based in Cape Town, South Africa.  I was trained to be a GRS coach last January and it was not until this week that I finished my first program. A program consists of eleven interactive lessons and a graduation ceremony. Previously I never got past lesson four before the practices were derailed for one reason or another. However, all of those failed attempts made this victory all the sweeter. I am grateful to the organization for making such a great teaching tool and to my kids and co-coach for showing up and listening.  As always I am fairly certain that I learned more than anyone else and once I was able to let go of my control, it went considerably better. The most powerful moment for me involved the debrief with my co-coach and finding out what she learned from the program, a good reminder how necessary open and honest conversations about HIV and its spread can be.

Week 78: Frustrations

Over a year in and I still have some of the same frustrations. I thought many of these would be solved or melt away however, many of the things still bother me in the same way they did a year ago.  Today I went for a meeting only to have the person who I scheduled the meeting with say that she couldn’t meet (this is not the first time this meting has been rescheduled). Moments after walking out of her office a man started harassing me, and its only 9am on a Tuesday. I thought the more time I spent here the less I would have to deal with these situations. However, the difference is that when I went to the meeting I knew that there was only a fifty-fifty percent chance it would take place today. I am confident that it will take place before the month is over and I am confident that the event we are planning will also take place before I leave in eight months but I am not so sure that it will happen before the month is out as we planned. As for the man, there was another man after him that chastised the first, the second man does not make up for the first’s behavior but it was a good reminder of the usually silent majority. Although I do not think I will ever adjust to the local perception of time or the insensitive treatment I receive from the loud minority of men. Despite this I know that I want to be here not because of the novelty of being in a new place but because this place is my home and I am happy here.

Week 77: Gratitude Journal

I had to go into the capital again this week for a meeting of the Peer Support Diversity Network that I am a part of. At first I was frustrated that I was missing my library classes, however, it only took one hot shower to remember why I love being in the capital. During this time I also had the privilege of chatting with some fellow PCVs who had been bitten by a spider that was causing them to be fatigued and possibly in need of further medical attention. Despite the bites the PCVs were upbeat and claimed there was really nothing in their lives they could complain about. At that moment I thought of some of my most recent complaints, which included getting put up in a hotel for free as well as getting free food and Internet for two days. Needless to say I think its time I bring back my gratitude journal and a rephrase. This week I had the privilege of going into the capital.

While in the capital I ate at the new Lebanese restaurant and noticed that since I arrived a year ago there are now three new dinning options including Mexican. Thai, and the Lebanese place. As far as I know these three are the first of their kind in the capital and it made me think just how many more changes I will witness before I leave as well as what the country will look like in five or ten years when I come back to visit.

Week 76: Isolation, Diversity, and Acting Class

Peace Corps is a two-year commitment with 2-3 additional months of training before one’s service officially begins. I arrived in August 2013 had pre-service training until October. For the next three months I was not allowed to leave the village which would be my home for the next two years, this period is called community integration or lovingly referred to by PCVs as “lockdown.” Lockdown ends with a two-week training called In-Service Training (IST). This week I facilitated a session at the IST for the PCV group who came a year after me. The session I was co-facilitating was on diversity and led to some quality conversations amongst the training group on their respective identities. Many PCVs feel a common bond with each other that may not have been present had we met stateside due to the nature of our shared experiences. However, unfortunately American prejudices and narrow mindedness also travel with individuals no matter what continent they are on and consequently some people may feel isolated in their newfound communities whether they are amongst host country nationals or fellow Americans.

In the library the standard six and seven classes are reading Finding Nemo. I thought the story was on par with the classes’ English level and would make for a good time in class. However one of the classes this week was trying to act “too cool for school” and thus I turned the lesson into an acting class and instead of simply looking up the challenging words (ie accused) in a dictionary. I had the students practice accusing each other. Other fun words included gasped and exclaimed. By the end of the lesson my irritation and the student’s attitudes had all melted into laughter.

Week 75: Donkey Carts

More often than not my life does not fit the stereotypes of what people think I am doing here in “Africa” but some days I believe it does.  Monday on my way home from school I ran into my friend Ishmael who I frequently see as he rolls through the village on his donkey cart to fill up his jugs of water before going back out into the bush. On this particular day he offered to give me a ride home, which was a welcome offer due to the heat. Now despite many people’s offers I have never actually ridden in a donkey cart before and was a little stymied by how to get on the cart itself. This proved even more difficult as I was wearing a pencil skirt. My first attempt involved using the wheel as a step and when that failed I was reminded of the rollie logs that I used to play with at parks growing up and come to think of it that I was never very skilled at. Little did I know that those logs would have a practical application later in my life. Eventually I made it on the cart and truly felt like my nickname was accurate as I waived to the kids like a true Moshana Princess.

Week 74: The Start of Term 1 and the Trials and Tribulations of Cheese Buying

This week marked the start of Term one for primary school students in Botswana. The school year is divided into three terms, beginning in January and ending in November. It is a gentle start to term as the students begin by cleaning out the dust that inevitable invades their classrooms, then are issued their books for the year and by the end of the first day the standard seven classes are in full swing however the standard ones are still battling the dust. As the leaders of the school the standard sevens will take exams at the end of the year which allow them to move onto junior school. Pass or fail the students will move up for three more years (form 1-3). However form 3 and a above a student will only proceed if they pass. If a student completes form 5 then they are eligible to proceed to university.

I enjoy cheese much more here then I did at home because it has become a precious commodity. The village I do my grocery shopping in did not carry cheese until six months after I arrived. I am now making up for lost time and I make a point of purchasing cheese if it is available. Inevitably the days that cheese is available I wait hours to get a combi home to put the cheese in the safety of my fridge. I used to worry about this but since I have yet to get sick I just assume this is how cheese buying days go. Which is why I was surprised and grateful when this week the combi was waiting when I finished doing my shopping and I was home within 30minutes of acquiring the cheese. I arrived home only to find that the electricity was out and I simply laughed to myself knowing that that should be expected on a cheese day.