Blog Week 18: Careful Oh Careful What You Wish For

The more time I spend here the more it becomes clear that I have a problem with guilt. I think this stems from my old perfectionist days and a belief that anything less then perfect is not enough. One of the things I feel guilty about is when I spend the afternoon in my house and not out in the community. This makes me feel like a bit of a slacker, particularly when I am watching American television on my laptop. I recently became hooked on the Netflix series, “House of Cards” and this last week felt a much stronger urge to watch an episode instead of making a fool of myself around the village.  I felt as if my computer was hindering my community integration. Then low and behold I was in town getting groceries and was caught in a torrential downpour. My computer was nestled in its case with an extra bag over it for protection and I thought it was safe. Until I returned home to discover that it would not turn on.

I was not a happy camper. Although earlier in the day I felt that my computer use was hindering me, when it would not turn on, I felt like my right arm had been chopped off. Peace Corps days of yore involved some training in the States a flight to your new country where a staff member handed you car keys and the name of your counterpart as well as the name of your village and did not communicate with the volunteer until they left the country(this is according to a returned Peace Corps Volunteer, who is back again for round two in Botswana). However, this has shifted dramatically and now as PCVs we are expected to be reachable 24/7 through our phones, promptly respond to emails and submit reports on a regular basis. Not only does my computer serve my mental health, it also is a big part of my job.

After a few calls to my IT savvy friends, I went on my favorite run/walk in the bush. This particular path has seen my leaps of joy at realizing I live in a beautiful place, my despair at children’s hunger and realizing I am only one person, as well as most recently my frustrations over the computer situation. This path never fails to have a calming and grounding effect on me.

However, luck lucky me a day and a half later my computer turned on again, and now I never want to turn it off again. My computer has reminded me not to take anything for granted.