As I Say Goodbye

There are so many emotions I do not know how to hold all of them. I am leaving everything I know. Yes, I realize this is melodramatic but that is how I feel. One moment there is the realization that this is the last time I will see a loved one for two years and the next I am chatting with a current Peace Corps Volunteer who is excited for me and all of Bots 14 (the group of 67 people I will be departing for Botswana with on August 12^th) wishing she was back in our shoes, remembering all the excitement. Then my mom reads about Botswana in the Costco magazine, another reminder of the inter connected world we live in and a comfort to her that the people who shop at Costco have not only heard of Botswana but are also interested in traveling there, or at least someone in their PR office feels that way. Next an aunt pops in to drop off a going away present and remind me of all of her friends that have died while traveling abroad. Great I will take note. Later that evening I am wondering why my cardigan is a bit damp in the shoulder and I realize it is the tears of one of my dearest friends who I just said goodbye to as she departs for her own travels, and when she returns in two weeks I will already be 7 time zones away. This may feel jumbled but welcome to my head.

I am about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life thus far and I could not be more thrilled or scared. In 6 days I leave for Botswana and I am confident that that is where I should be, I feel incredibly lucky to have this opportunity and at the same time I am filled with fear. What if no one likes me? Will I be an effective PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer)? Will I adapt? Will sorghum and millet agree with my stomach? How will I function outside of my carefully crafted support system in the States? Then the next moment I do a pulse check realize I am over doing it a bit.

So I begin to talk myself down from the anxious space I just created, and here is goes:

What if no one likes me? I may have trouble with a lot of things but making friends has never been one of them.

Will I be an effective PCV? The best I can do is try, and I have been known to be a bit of an overachiever.

…I am already feeling a bit calmer

Will I adapt? Well I signed up for an adventure and that is what I will get, also I hear humans are incredibly adaptable and I’m human for better or worse.

Will sorghum and millet agree with my stomach? I hear there are also “fat cakes” which I am sure can make up for the difference if my stomach is not inclined towards these new grains.

How will I function outside of my carefully crafted support system in the States? I am so lucky to have so many people who love me and whom I love. These connections are not going anywhere. I am still the same me no matter what my belly is full of, what my current address is, or what time zone I am in, and I like me so this will probably all work out.

And then I realize I’ll be okay.