Week 83: Constant Companion

I now have a constant companion and I am not talking about the ants that always seem to migrate into my house (and inexplicably my water kettle). My sister has arrived and is staying with me for three weeks. I live in a spacious but simple house where all water used needs to be carted in and out and filtered for drinking purposes. My bathroom consists of an assortment of buckets, where mistakes can have grave consequences.  There are very few people I could share this space with and I am quite pleased to say that my sister is one of them. I have been very impressed with her ability to learn the bucket system, with only a few minor misunderstandings that were quickly righted before any action was taken (NO NO! The orange bucket is the clean water bucket and the blue bucket is the pee bucket). She is now a staple at the school both in library lessons and in tea time social hour with the other teachers.

During the application process I encountered many returned Peace Corps volunteers (RPCVs) who talked candidly about the loneliness they struggled and dealt with. I always felt badly that people experienced loneliness but scoffed a bit in my head thinking I didn’t need their warnings because I really enjoyed time alone. Ha ha ha, how naive I was, I had no idea what they were talking about. I do still enjoy time alone but I now understand there is such a thing as too much time alone and that the lonliness stems from other aspects of my life here and not just being physically alone. This has been one of the hardest aspects of my service and I am so grateful to have a constant companion for the next three weeks.

Week 82: Saying Goodbye

This week I had to say good-bye to a close neighbor and dear PCV friend. She has been a great volunteer and friend. Although I was sad to see her go there was no doubt in my mind that it was time for her to leave. This was also helpful for me to be reminded that I do not feel that it is my time to leave yet. Loosing a close friend both in proximity and companionship is still hard despite my determination that we are each making the choices that are right for us. As painful as the goodbye was I would not have had it any other way. I feel lucky to have met such an inspiring individual who is willing to take risks in order to live a full and abundant life. Although this friend will now be thousands of miles away instead of a few kilometers I look forward to how this friendship will grow and change as our respective journeys’ diverge even farther.

Week 81: Hair Cut

It was Friday afternoon and I was bemoaning the fact that I did not have any evening plans. Allowing myself to descend into the line of thinking that I was not “acting my age” and I should not be in the bush but in a city meeting new people and acting immature. When I know that even if I was in a city I would still want to spend my Friday nights watching movies and baking, I just would have more friends around. In order to fight off a pity party that I knew was fast approaching I decided I would cut my hair. About two and a half years ago I shaved my head for a fundraiser and had been enjoying the novelty of my long hair. However, recently it felt like it had gotten too long and unruly for bucket bath washing. Having shaved my head I had a catalogue of photos of how I looked with different lengths of hair that I could thumb through. After picking what I saw as a good length, I realized that my hair was actually longer than I expected and I would be able to donate the required 10 inches to Locks of Love. Roughly 1USD later, my hair is trekking around the world, hopefully to safely arrive in Florida sometime soon.  This simplified the hair cutting experience immensely and I simply put my hair in a low ponytail at the nape of my neck and took the scissors to it. Now I have never cut my hair before but I felt that I had enough hair that provided a sizable margin of error. The ponytail proved to be exceedingly helpful and provided me with a fashionably angled cut that I never could have done on purpose. I was very impressed with myself and only a little fearful that I accidently gave myself a mullet. However, the next day I had a meeting with other American Peace Corps Volunteers who were all impressed by my haircut and did not believe me when I told them I cut it myself. This immediately pacified me and made me grateful that my surroundings make me more willing to try new things.

Week 80: Writing Week

Last week was a writing week in the library, where I asked all of my students to write summaries of the books we have been reading. Each class has its own book and we read 5-10 pages during their weekly library session. At the beginning of term I promised myself I would take advantage of the fact that I am not required to teach to a test or even to stick to a curriculum. As most of my co-workers see it, if I am speaking English, I am doing my job, regardless of the validity in that it gives me an immense amount of freedom. This allows me to focus on the areas that students are struggling with as well as go at their pace. Last week we were roughly half way through the classes respective books and the term,  so I thought it would be a good time to gauge how much the kids were retaining.  As I graded the papers, I was disheartened to see that the retention was lower then I anticipated and felt defensive of my lesson plans, feeling at a loss for how I could do things differently.

This week, as we went back to reading as a class, discussing, and acting out each page my energy and motivation has been renewed. I realized that last week I was looking for a gold star from my students. I wanted their paper’s to tell me that my hard work was paying off and that I wasn’t the only one learning in the library every day. However, I was looking for validation in the wrong place. As much as it made me frustrated and sad last week, the lesson I had for the kids was too challenging and that was my fault not theirs. When the kids eagerly raised their hands to read the next page this week, I got my validation and reassurance that even if I can’t measure what I am doing every day in the library, I am doing something and I will keep trying and retrying.

Week 79: Shout Out to GRS

 This week I want to give a little shout out to the organization Grass Roots Soccer. In their own words, “Grassroot soccer is an HIV prevention organization that uses the power of soccer to educate, inspire, and mobilize communities to stop the spread of HIV and AIDS.” GRS is present in 25 countries and based in Cape Town, South Africa.  I was trained to be a GRS coach last January and it was not until this week that I finished my first program. A program consists of eleven interactive lessons and a graduation ceremony. Previously I never got past lesson four before the practices were derailed for one reason or another. However, all of those failed attempts made this victory all the sweeter. I am grateful to the organization for making such a great teaching tool and to my kids and co-coach for showing up and listening.  As always I am fairly certain that I learned more than anyone else and once I was able to let go of my control, it went considerably better. The most powerful moment for me involved the debrief with my co-coach and finding out what she learned from the program, a good reminder how necessary open and honest conversations about HIV and its spread can be.

Week 78: Frustrations

Over a year in and I still have some of the same frustrations. I thought many of these would be solved or melt away however, many of the things still bother me in the same way they did a year ago.  Today I went for a meeting only to have the person who I scheduled the meeting with say that she couldn’t meet (this is not the first time this meting has been rescheduled). Moments after walking out of her office a man started harassing me, and its only 9am on a Tuesday. I thought the more time I spent here the less I would have to deal with these situations. However, the difference is that when I went to the meeting I knew that there was only a fifty-fifty percent chance it would take place today. I am confident that it will take place before the month is over and I am confident that the event we are planning will also take place before I leave in eight months but I am not so sure that it will happen before the month is out as we planned. As for the man, there was another man after him that chastised the first, the second man does not make up for the first’s behavior but it was a good reminder of the usually silent majority. Although I do not think I will ever adjust to the local perception of time or the insensitive treatment I receive from the loud minority of men. Despite this I know that I want to be here not because of the novelty of being in a new place but because this place is my home and I am happy here.

Week 77: Gratitude Journal

I had to go into the capital again this week for a meeting of the Peer Support Diversity Network that I am a part of. At first I was frustrated that I was missing my library classes, however, it only took one hot shower to remember why I love being in the capital. During this time I also had the privilege of chatting with some fellow PCVs who had been bitten by a spider that was causing them to be fatigued and possibly in need of further medical attention. Despite the bites the PCVs were upbeat and claimed there was really nothing in their lives they could complain about. At that moment I thought of some of my most recent complaints, which included getting put up in a hotel for free as well as getting free food and Internet for two days. Needless to say I think its time I bring back my gratitude journal and a rephrase. This week I had the privilege of going into the capital.

While in the capital I ate at the new Lebanese restaurant and noticed that since I arrived a year ago there are now three new dinning options including Mexican. Thai, and the Lebanese place. As far as I know these three are the first of their kind in the capital and it made me think just how many more changes I will witness before I leave as well as what the country will look like in five or ten years when I come back to visit.